The Real Black Chyna Episode one was released and it puts a visual on how your parents can also be toxic. A heated exchange of words between Chyna and her mom escalated into a battlefield of hurtful words, and objects. This situation is too familiar with many people, in some communities, it’s said to respect your parents through it all, but gaining respect from fear is a terrible tactic.
The docu-series exposes many habits, and it is time to have this adult conversation. Your parent’s job is to raise you not blame, manipulate, and abuse you. Insinuating fear and casting guilt is a manipulation skill many parents have. They think that threatening their kids and making them feel bad constantly will keep them controlled, but that’s the worst thing to do. Your parents can be the reason you interact or communicate conflict negatively because that is all you see growing up.
Parents go through traumatic experiences and when they don’t heal, or move on from it, the kids will be the punching bags of bad parenting. When they don’t address it, these bad coping habits turn into a way of life, and this horrible adaption to the situation creates a bad environment for the child.
Most parents suffer from mental disorders. Those mental health issues can make them un-empathetic to the situation they create with their kids. This continuation of pain makes growth and recovery nearly impossible, and without exposure to open up about it and break the chain, the cycle continues.
The pattern of not taking responsibility affects all parties involved, but addressing and compromising is the baby steps of change. Until then, the generational curse of dysfunctional parenting will continue to corrupt the next generation mentally.
- Emotional blackmailing
- Never taking responsibility
- Playing victim
- Competing with you
- Constantly pointing out your flaws, in front of people
- Constant insults
- Attacking your character
- It’s their way or it’s wrong ALWAYS
- Embarrasses you
- You feel bad for standing up for yourself
- You hate any interaction with them
- Overstep your boundaries
- They talk at you and not to you
- You fear them
How to break the cycle?
- The best way to break the cycle is to be vocal about your problems and issues rather than holding it in. Your parents are suffering because no one bothered to listen and help, but you can create a support system of friends and counseling to help you learn to express your feelings and concerns. This builds your self-esteem and communication skills.
- Purchase a journal to document your thoughts, this helps you express pain. Writing things down helps you let off steam and see yourself differently. Also, write down affirmations, tell yourself how amazing you are and things you love. Writing is a slept on pain reliever that is the most efficient.
- In the case of toxic parents never blame yourself for their mistakes and angry. You are not the blame and never doubt yourself or abilities, exercise your hobbies and talents to constantly show YOURSELF how amazing you are.
- Remember that leaving does not solve the situation, it will have to be addressed or the abuse will continue.
- Set boundaries!
- Be empathetic of their past traumas and address it carefully, you know your parents and their triggers.
- Say no and stick to your answer
- Plan your approach and have a support system.